Equilibrium, evenness, aligned. All synonyms for Balance. We all want our lives to be in balance. And that often means easy. As with so much, we think that if we can only balance work and family and play and grocery shopping and laundry and doctor visits and sweeping the floors and, and, and that we will find that magical place where all is right in our world.
But true balance is not found from the things outside of us. It is the balance between self and soul. Between darkness and light. Between the devil and God. That is the balance that matters. I speak not because I have this figured out. I speak because I fight for that balance. It isn't easy. I don't think it's meant to be easy..
I hadn’t really thought of it in those terms before last Saturday night/Sunday morning. But now things seem more clear to me. I had a terrible night. Still sick with a cold, restless body with pains everywhere, restless mind that couldn’t let go, restless soul that could barely offer a prayer for help. Flailing arms and legs. Rolling from side to side. I was struck with the conviction that I was losing everything important to me in this life. Fear and anxiety, a sense of coming apart. Struggle. Finally, I slept for a few hours.
When I woke I had the clear & distinct feeling that I had been through something very profound during the darkness. I had wrestled with the night, with the dark and come through victorious into the light. Even when I could not hold onto the words to reach out to Jesus, he was with me in that place. I had no choice but to surrender and let go. To trust. To believe. And I was given back the balance to stand on my feet and exault in the goodness of the Lord.
This post is part of a series and a blog circle titled "Project Something Beautiful," exploring our lives and emotions. I'm so excited to collaborate with this wonderful group of talented women. For more on BALANCE, check out Chanelle's blog from the other side of the globe here: Chanelle Megan Photography